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A poem written for my dog
By Jacey
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About this piece
I've always been interested in creative writing and poetry. This is a poem inspired by my dog, which i wrote it for his birthday. It's my first attempt on poetry and i hope to get some feedback on it. Thanks!

“Dogs are scary!”, as I always thought to be

For once I was frightened – It tried to bit me

Until one day we thought Dad needs a company

So we scout around and we got a puppy

A silky terrier puppy which we named him Tobi

 

Tobi came home but Dad didn’t seem to agree

He said, “He looks messy and oh, so skinny!”

Tobi littered the house with his poo and pee

So Dad toilet-trained him and said, “Go toilet pee pee!”

Then we knew a well-behaved dog is what makes Dad happy

 

Five months on, I am no longer afraid of doggy

Tobi’s wagging tail and naughty moments kept us all smiley

Twelve of March is when he turns one

So I’d like to say to our precious little one,

“Happy Birthday Tobi, we love you so dearly!”






March 22, 2011

4 Responses to “A poem written for my dog”

  1. What a lovely poem for your dog! I’m impressed by all the rhymes – not easy to find so many. In terms of feedback, I think there are a couple of places where you could play around with the rhyme to make sure it doesn’t sound forced. For example,

    “Dogs are scary!”, as I always thought to be

    could become:

    I always thought, ‘dogs are scary’

    which is closer to normal speech, but still keeps the rhyme and the meaning intact.

    A little piece of housekeeping – you’ve put this post in the ‘Discuss’ category, which is meant for discussions on writing etc. It really just belongs in ‘Poetry’. If you click ‘edit this post’ and then un-tick ‘Discussions’ and ‘Discuss’ in the categories section that will do the trick. Just give me a shout if you need any help with this.

  2. Hi Miriam

    Thanks for your comment! :)

    I’ve also edited this post to remove it from the “Discussion” tag. Thanks for your advise!

  3. it’s so cute!

    be free with your verse, even when you rhyme. it’s up for each individual decide what that means though.

    There’s a class of rhyme called “delightful” rhyme — I don’t know how other people see it — but it’s soo delightful when words appear to rhyme by pure coincidence.

    This one’s more difficult, but if you want to try, you can try rhyming in two syllables, or across word or “wordlet” (“morpheme”) boundaries. For example “somebody” has two wordlets — some + body, so when it rhymes with “company” (which most people think as one wordlet) say, it’s more of a delightful surprise. It’s also more delightful when different word classes rhyme — a noun rhymes with an adverb, etc.

    with hurried glee
    he bought curry mee for me
    – admittedly,
    he probably did it subliminally

    so even when they’re all the same sound, they sound diverse.

    of course there are many many ways to write a poem. Good luck on your next one!

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